


but my mind is tangled between your little flaws

by midnightchapters



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: (maybe), - almost, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hasegawa Langa Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Langa needs a hug, M/M, Sad Hasegawa Langa, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29654538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightchapters/pseuds/midnightchapters
Summary: He cannot help but like this boy; Reki, with his unhesitating love and eyes that drown. Reki.And as if he is listening to whatever Langa's thinking and is going on his mind, Reki looks up from the circle and stops talking, giving him his smile again as the light surrounding him reminds Langa so much about the sun god he used to read. A smile that solely belongs to Reki.Langa's breath hitches.He watches as Reki tilts his head sideways and gestures towards the circle, asking and inviting to join the him and the others. The angle casts and etches fire in his face, a halo of gold.or, In which langa pines and hurts furiously
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 87





	but my mind is tangled between your little flaws

**Author's Note:**

> langa my beloved 
> 
> yeah langa angst! had to and renga <333 bfs. im sorry for this (i am not. half of it was me projecting) 
> 
> this is set really randomly so consider it as an alternate universe divergence thing :)

Langa has never hated winter.

He has never hated the cold months that his father used to run in with a heavy jacket. He had, instead, always chosen to look upon them with wonder and curiosity, beaming at the feel of snowflakes on his lashes and on his jacket as he inspected them closely for their designs. 

He's never hated winter.

It doesn't snow in the town Langa lives in now. It has no ice, or layers of glittering white. It only has biting breezes that he's used to (even then it's warm) but no snow. 

Feeling the cold rush down in fresh torrents, Langa has a sudden want to dance outside (he knows reki would join him immediately without any questions asked), the way he used to with his dad, from under the walls he leans on now and catch the wind on his face (like he used to do when he was a child, when he was a child and his dad was alive and they didn't know any better. When cold, when _winter_ meant playing outside in the snow with his mom, making snowmans - naming it Mr Smile Hat - and snow angels and shooting snowballs at each other).

Langa's mom used to smile much easier and freely back then, kissing his dad as he used to turn his face away in disgust and shout and they used to laugh at him. 

There were moments in the beginning when his dad recently died and Langa wanted everything to just end, moments when he has spent night screaming his voice raw into the world or pillow, moments when he has struggled to get himself out of bed. He has struggled and hurt enough to know how it feels to be the odd one out. What it feels like. He has had all his moments of highs and lows, fighting to strive. 

But he has never felt so achingly alone.

The air blows more firm against the exposed side of his face, making him duck his head further into the empty space between his bowed knees, and heat himself up by blowing into his hands. He is sitting with his back against a stone pillar, farther than everyone else who are gathered in a circle. 

Langa feels the edge of his mouth tilt upwards into something that could be a half-smile, could resemble it, as he watches Miya and Reki get into an argument about something. 

Hiding a laugh behind the palm of his hand is Joe, eyes shining with mirth that is there for everyone to see.

Meanwhile, Reki moves onto another thing to talk about after ending his quarrel with Miya and he is all animated gestures and warm eyes that are bronze under the sunlight shine with gentleness that never runs out of him. 

Langa is drawn towards him. He's beautiful, he thinks, noticing the way the lights contort and melt into Reki. His face is in the shadows but a warm glow submerges him and Langa thinks his heart stops for a beat; then resumes. As he carries away, he tries to shut his thoughts down and the path they are forming. 

His thoughts have been going like this for ages now, months; yearning and wanting one moment, then closing it down harshly the next. He desperately craves making sense of his feelings, _understanding_ them, unwanted and hollow as they are.

(But it never seems like it or feels like it; the thoughts are never unwanted or hollow whenever he muses and whenever they enter his mind. He thinks he gets too caught up in wishes, and words and imagining.) 

But no matter how much he will always scold himself for sinking, he never cares when he is thinking of Reki.

Because - because he likes him.

(It is the first time he has acknowledged the atoms of feelings that never wanes to rise whenever Reki smiles at him so like the sun, or gives him a hug with his whole heart clambering onto Langa that makes him still. 

For all that Langa hates people touching him, when Reki does, he cannot bring himself to care.

He wonders if he ever will.)

He cannot help but like this boy; Reki, with his unhesitating love and eyes that drown. Reki.

And as if he is listening to whatever Langa's thinking and is going on his mind, Reki looks up from the circle and stops talking, giving him his smile again as the light surrounding him reminds Langa so much about the sun god he used to read. A smile that solely belongs to Reki. 

Langa's breath hitches.

He watches as Reki tilts his head sideways and gestures towards the circle, asking and inviting to join the him and the others. The angle casts and etches fire in his face, a halo of gold. 

Langa gives him a comforting smile; tries at least (and he know it ends uo more like a curve of lips), and shrugs his left shoulder. Reki looks like he's just sighed, shoulders drooping and staring at the floor. Langa doesn't know what to name the look on his face - is Reki disappointed? He shouldn't be - Langa just doesn't know. 

Reki looks up and gazes at Langa, meeting his eyes, and seems to say _Okay. Okay. Have it your own way._

Langa swallows the sudden incoming feeling of crying and presses his nails into his jeans so he doesn't but he looks away from Reki and touches the breeze. 

He doesn't look back for a while, he just curls in and tries to keep his sobs from escaping and he doesn't know why he feels the need to cry. But when he does, look back at Reki that is, he sees Reki beaming and it's one that he _knows_. It's the one with heart-love or like that Langa looks at Reki with, gazing at him for hours.

 _He'll kill me_ , Langa thinks, _I won't mind if he does_. 

Watching the group of friends that seem so mismatched and not even expected, Langa doesn't fit into it. He's left with his head above the water that's trying so hard to submerge him in an ocean too deep for him to even think about. Sometimes he wonders what it means to let go. 

Langa is out of his depth; seeing this is something he's never had before - when he was a child he used to come crying home to his parents with big fat tears that his dad used to kiss away and his mom would sing him a story (but by then, he had slowly stopped expressing). They join together, they _fit,_ something he knows he will never be able to do. 

(Family.

Something Langa has longed for since he was a child with nothing but smiles. Longed for but can never have, he knows this. 

People like him never do. They don't. And never will.)

He looks at this family they gained, and thinks if he even fits into this at all. Where he can fit if he hopes. 

(He wants his dad. He wants his mom. He wants the family they were in Canada. He wants to go back.) 

He is here to learn how to skateboard and not to make friends. He is not here to enter and place himself in a family that are doing great as they are. He is not here to fuck things up like usual the way he always does. He is not here to be a part of something. He is not here to like Reki. 

But Langa cannot help but want. Cannot help but ache to be part of a family, this family he knows of. He wants, and he aches with a yearning so primal and so ardent, it sets ablaze.

It's cruel, in a way. How he can't have this although it's in front of him but teasing as he _reaches out_. 

Langa tries not to gaze at Reki for long, but something resting in the line of Cherry's face as he flits his eyes for more than a second makes him think if he is not so subtle. If it's so obvious and everyone sees it except Reki himself. If it is, then he's thankful. He can't deal with the feelings like he can't if Reki decides to tell him, which he never will. 

It makes Langa wonder, though. He wonders without skateboarding would they have been friends? Would he and Reki have met and been so close like they are now?

Most probably not.

(Why is Reki interested in him. Why was Reki interested in him when he saw him that one day? Why? Why? _Why?_ )

Langa's never been good at expressing; emotions, words, faults, _himself_. He just keeps himself shut, especially since the kids in his life didn't like him.

Reki needs and deserves someone better. Someone who is not so broken that they cannot even say how they are. He does not deserve this empty shell of a boy. He deserves someone who can express, who can tell him the things he wants to hear and needs to clearly. He deserves someone who is whole and complete; not Langa who can't get out of bed most days and is a ghost, who is a wraith of a human - a person.

He curls in deeper when he feels the onslaught of tears trying to tip over and blinks quickly to stop them from falling and being known. (He hasn't cried since how long? He doesn't remember. But he hasn't cried in ages so why is he feeling all the urges to do so now?)

When he glances at the family of four, his lips curve into an almost not a ghost of a smile (almost. _almost_ ).

And Canada is cold and cruel with the weather in ways Okinawa can't be, Langa still feels so cold even though there was warmth he used to feel back there. Warmth presses into him from all sides but he still feels so hollow. 

Langa has never hated winter. He is not so sure if he does anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know how this came to be but it Came to Be
> 
> and looks like i really got carried away in my angst which makes it langa angst! the only thing is that i've never experienced falling in love and etc, i do know what its like to have a crush but i didn't pine so much that i felt like i would burn
> 
> but yeah! please give me vaildation :) bc i live for it and enjoy ur day!


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